This weekend I've done my share (and probably your share too) of crying. As much as I think positively, do things that bring me joy, love with all my heart....Sometimes, I also have to "get real". For 2 and a half years I've been taking a pill to save my life. During that time, I watched my husband get diagnosed, have treatments every other week, saw improvements in his blood counts and the size of the tumors in his body. I also watched as our treatments stopped working and we had travel down a different path. Now our life is changing again. On Tuesday, we'll lay together on the infusion floor of Seattle Cancer Care and pray for changes in the right direction.
I started this blog around 9:00pm tonight and it is now 12:53. I can't sleep. I don't have answers. I don't have solutions. My heart hurts. My eyes are puffy. I believe this is another phase of a life threatening illness but honestly, I don't like it. This behavior of mine doesn't help a thing. I don't feel better after my weeping session. I get a headache if I cry too much. I don't have enough eye cream to take the puffiness away. I am an UGLY, blotchy crier. Mac and Cheese doesn't even sound good. I must be sick!
Jan Schemenauer had an amazing party today. She raised a lot of money for a great cause (Bonnie J. Addario Lung Cancer Foundation). Our local food bank will be pleasantly surprised by the generous donation from all her guests as well. Jan is an angel on Earth. Thank you my dear friend.
Rick is feeling a little better today, but he has terrible pain in his shoulder. The doctors say it's most likely pain radiating from his liver. He doesn't care where it's coming from...he just wants it to go away.
I guess I'm about done whining for tonight so I think I'll try to sleep.
I love you more than all the leaves in our yard. I'm pretending they are pretty so we don't have to rake them.
Dor
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Morning and Evening
A Devotional Series by Charles H. Spurgeon
Morning Devotion
Monday, November 03, 2008
"Behold, he prayeth." {#Ac 9:11}
Prayers are instantly noticed in heaven. The moment Saul began to pray the Lord heard him. Here is comfort for the distressed but praying soul. Oftentimes a poor broken hearted one bends his knee, but can only utter his wailing in the language of sighs and tears; yet that groan has made all the harps of heaven thrill with music; that tear has been caught by God and treasured in the lachrymatory of heaven. "Thou puttest my tears into thy bottle", implies that they are caught as they flow. The suppliant, whose tears precede his words, will be well understood by the Most High. He may only look up with misty eye; but "prayer is the falling of a tear." Tears are the diamonds of heaven; sighs are a part of the music of Jehovah’s court, and are numbered with "the sublimest strains that reach the majesty on high." Think not that your prayer, however weak or trembling, will be unregarded. Jacob’s ladder is lofty, but our prayers shall lean upon the Angel of the covenant and so climb its starry rounds. Our God not only hears prayer but also loves to hear it. "He forgetteth not the cry of the humble." True, he regards not high looks and lofty words; he cares not for the pomp and pageantry of kings; he listens not to the swell of martial music; he regards not the triumph and pride of man; but wherever there is a heart big with sorrow, or a lip quivering with agony, or a deep groan, or a penitential sigh, the heart of Jehovah is open; he marks it down in the registry of his memory; he puts our prayers, like rose leaves, between the pages of his book of remembrance, and when the volume is opened at last, there shall be a precious fragrance springing up therefrom.
"Faith asks no signal from the skies,
To show that prayers accepted rise,
Our Priest is in his holy place,
And answers from the throne of grace."
Come back after 6:00 PM (US-EST) for this evening's devotion, 2 Chronicles 30:27
Dor you and Rick have faced this "C" thing head on and are two of the bravest people I personally know. There are many people in your shoes but not all share like you and rick do and that's a "reality check". I hate to say things happen for a reason but you both are teaching many lessons and giving of yourselves everyday, how many do that with their health? All I know is your both loved as much as you have loved all of us, your friends.
Thank you for being the real you ALWAYS. You have made me a better person :)
Dor you and Rick have faced this "C" thing head on and are two of the bravest people I personally know. There are many people in your shoes but not all share like you and rick do and that's a "reality check". I hate to say things happen for a reason but you both are teaching many lessons and giving of yourselves everyday, how many do that with their health? All I know is your both loved as much as you have loved all of us, your friends.
Thank you for being the real you ALWAYS. You have made me a better person :)
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