You know when you wake up some mornings and think....should I just stay in bed? Today was one of those days. Although I always have an idea what my doctors visit might look like...in my mind I tend to "pretty" it up a little... I close my eyes and imagine sunflowers in vases, the room painted a nice comforting green, a new magazine to browse through, and perhaps a bowl of peanut M & M's for the visiting patients. Instead what I saw was a plate (make that a platter) of reality. Here are the facts (as I remember them).
My lung cancer is advancing. Tarceva is not doing it's job. I am no longer on Team Tarceva.
I will be starting a clinical trial for people who took Tarceva and had good results.
My chemo will be 2 times a week (Tuesdays and Fridays) for two weeks in a row, then I'll have the third week off. I will continue to be on this routine as long as the cancer stabilizes, gets better, or I decide to stop.
Sometime in the next 2 weeks I'll have a brain MRI, CT scan, a special eye exam (apparently this drug can cause infections in the eye), have a port installed, blood work, EKG and other miscellaneous poking and proddings.
All of this might sound scary (and for a couple of hours this morning I was emotional about it), but then I realized that 30 months ago there wasn't a back up plan for my cancer. Now there is. In those thirty months research has been happening that will hopefully give me another 30 months...and so on, and so on.
The reason for the title of this blog is the manufacturer of this clinical trial is called Infinity. I thought it was an appropriate name for my new "life saver".
Dreaming and Hoping and Praying,