Wide Awake ... at 3:00am

It is 3:07 am and here I am wide awake.  Oh, I'm sure I could find something constructive to do around the house (but I'll use the excuse that I don't want to wake anyone).  Now I'm not awake because I fell asleep too early in the evening, or that I took a nap this afternoon.  As a matter of fact, I was exhausted around 3:30 this afternoon and I thought I wouldn't make it past dinner.  Instead, tonight was one of those nights when I closed my eyes I couldn't help but think about STUFF.  

When we saw the orthopedic surgeon today for Rick's shoulder, he explained that Rick had a tear in his rotator cuff and he has now developed frozen shoulder.  I guess any one of those things by itself can be painful, but having both of these problems at the same time is a double whammy.  We also learned that although surgery could repair the partial tear, he would have to stop chemo and that option isn't even on the table.  I have a husband who rarely complains about pain, or sickness so when he moans from his fingers hurting from the cold, or when he walks on a cold floor and the pain is like walking on broken glass, or when he tries to put his shirt on but can't straighten out his arm, I just want to get get mad.  I want to yell at the guy in line at Haggen who isn't getting service fast enough because there is a new girl getting trained, or the woman at Starbuck's whose latte has too much foam.  I want to remind them to focus on all the amazing things we have to be thankful for, and start appreciating the things that really matter.

On Saturday, I will hit my 2 year survival mark.  Now to some, 2 years doesn't sound like much but for me, it's a year longer than "statistics" gave me, it's over 700 days of laughter, and love, and determination.  It's the most important life lesson I've ever learned.  On the 29th of this month I'm scheduled for another scan.  I'm a little nervous for the results this time because of all the changes in my last report.  I know there is a good possibility that we may try new medications/chemotherapy.  Something new that may or may not change my quality of life.  Something new that might work really well.  Maybe I do have a bunch of things on my mind that are keeping me from sleeping.  Perhaps I should have gotten up around 11:00 and shared my worries with you then.  I may have actually caught some shut eye before it's time to get up.

I'm heading out early in the morning with my buddy Cathy.  We're going to the tulip festival in Mt. Vernon to celebrate her 50th birthday.   I'll write tomorrow and let you know how the  day went.  (unless my lack of sleep catches up to me and I'm asleep on the couch at noon) 

As much as I want to plant my flower boxes, I heard we may be getting snow again this weekend.  If I don't get them planted soon, I might not have anything blooming until the fourth of July.  Maybe I should choose a red, white and blue flower combination...

Have a spectacular weekend and stay out of trouble.  If you can't stay out of trouble, then at least have a good time being bad.  :)

Wishing I was dreaming big...

Dor