Unexpected News

Today started out as planned. We had wonderful traffic on the way to Seattle, my appointment went well. I'm going to start on an antibiotic to get rid of this sinus/respiratory thing. I'm scheduled for a scan next month, yadda, yadda.

After my appointment, we met up with my new friend Diana and her husband Kelly. We had a very nice lunch in the Seattle neighborhood of Tanglewood. Great people. I wish I would have known them earlier in my life.

After our delightful morning, we went back to the Seattle Cancer Care for Rick's CT scan results from last Thursday. This is where the day went to hell in a hand basket. The CT scan showed that Rick now has tumors on his lungs, and new tumors have appeared on his liver. Everything had been going so well on Chemo light. But that was then. This is now. Rick gets the next week off (for good behavior) and will start a whole new regimen on February 19th. I think this cancer just needs a little kick in the behind...so hopefully this new stuff called folfox and oxiplatin does the job. He'll do this for 2 months as long as he can tolerate it, then we'll scan again.

Truthfully, I didn't want to write the upbeat Doreen version tonight. Instead, I wanted to say this whole thing pisses me off. How could we be anymore positive? What more can Rick ask of his body? I swear it's at times like this that I want to light up a cigarette and say screw it. Then I remember, I hate the smell of smoke, I wouldn't know how to do it if I tried, and what is that going to prove? I need my husband to be here and healthy. I don't know how to run the riding lawn mowers, or put the tread stuff in the weedwacker. I can't fix anything (except dinner and my hair). I don't like bringing wood in for the fireplace. I certainly don't like sleeping alone. I need to be teased. I need him and love him. And I hate CANCER.

Ok, I feel better now. This is just another bump in our road. We'll be fine. We'll be better than FINE. We'll be fabulous.

Keep Dreaming Big,
Dor