Today turned out to be a routine check-up for me (except for the flu shot which hurt like $%@#). I talked to Dr. Eaton about the drugs that were suggested to me in San Francisco and he said he's very aware of them, but they both bring bigger risks to the table than what the benefits could be at this time. He said after the report came back from my CT scan last month, the biggest tumor had grown less than one millimeter (which is very little) and with Bronchioalveolar I can tolerate a little growth without making big changes to my treatment. I feel confident that he knows me and knows what kind of life I live. If I have no symptoms, why give me some?
My dear friend Pam went to my appointment today so my husband could stay home to get some rest and so our kids could go to their jobs so they didn't have to take any more days off. This illness really cuts into our daily schedules. After my appointment, Pam and I met with some friends we made while Pam was having radiation and Rick was having chemo. I got a flu shot, went to lunch, then to the movie "Lars and the real girl" (odd but very touching...I'd see it again). It was a long day, but very nice. I really miss the daily time I used to spend with my friends. Today was one of those special days I love.
What I learned today about coping with cancer is that I have my blog which gives me the opportunity to lay everything out for whoever is interested. I have grown children who follow the process with me - eyes wide open like a new intern. I have a husband who shares the role of caregiver and patient with me. I have no hidden thoughts or concerns. I laugh in the face of fear. I cry when I need to and everyone understands why. That isn't the case for everyone. When we met with my friend at SCCA today and we talked about life and how cancer changes everything, I realized that we are all dealt very different cards. My friend has young children. A nice husband. Yet, she is at home everyday ~ hurting, healing, wanting to be the woman she once was. She's blessed to be surrounded by wonderful friends, but sometimes even that isn't enough. I wish there was a pill to make this all better, but in the end...it's all of this bad stuff that makes us stronger. Perhaps being friends with another cancer patient, like me, will help her make some sense of this crazy disease.