Work?

When I was first diagnosed, I worried about not working. Not for the money...but rather for the excitement and friendship. Luckily for me, I was able to continue to work for the past year and a half. When Dr. Eaton told me about starting chemo and getting off the Tarceva a couple of weeks ago, the first thing I asked about was work. Again, I thought I needed it. Or, it needed me. Today, something struck me like a lightening bolt. When I run out of sick leave and I'm fighting each day to live...I will not be going to work. My work will be to heal. Stay as healthy as possible. Laugh as much as I can. This was a very hard realization for me. I thought I was "the job". I thought it wouldn't or couldn't run without me. The truth is, anyone can fill our place...with their own ideas. And that's ok. Hopefully, I've made a mark (with a permanent marker) in the lives of kids and colleagues. If so, my job is complete. I'll continue to attend sporting events, plays, and Taco Tuesdays.

Everyday since my meltdown, I've grown a little. I hope by the time my first treatment comes I'll have it all figured out. I know that's wishful thinking, but remember...I'm a big dreamer.

Rick had a good night's sleep last night...as did I. We're going to shoot for 2 in a row.

Love you more,
Dor