Tuesday, June 30, 2009
My dose of Reality
Doreen here. With a dose of reality. In case you hadn't noticed, I prefer to make margaritas out of limes (instead of lemonade out of lemons) but that's just a technicality.
This past week has been a little overwhelming for me, us. I know I've said it so many times before but we really have been LUCKY in the face of CANCER. Our battles have been fought with laughter, love and some toxins we can't seem to get away from. But lately, the battle gear has been a little more intense. I'm still trying to fight cancer with love and laughter, but I need something a little stronger than that. I need your prayers and some heavy artillery (chemotherapy).
Jake took Rick and I to our appointments today and was a trooper. We really enjoyed our time alone with you. Today's doctors visit left me again with a heavy heart. We've decided to cancel yet another drug that isn't doing it's job. (or to put it better, it's really do a job on me...not the cancer cells). I'm due for a blood transfusion soon, my port acted like it had a leak it in, so my chemo was given through my veins today instead (it took a couple tries to get a good vein...so I'm a little bruised up). I got another shot of Neulesta to stimulate my bone marrow (and cause excruciating pain in my pelvis and hips). They did a dye study of my port to make sure it was in working order and we're still debating what to do with it. When I got home I looked in the mirror to find my eyelashes have decided to make their departure (it's hard to have pretty eyes without mascara...and it's hard to put mascara on my eyelids). None of these things by themselves would cause anyone grief, but when I put them all together, I guess it is reason for some tears.
I prefer to share happy moments with all of you because I think it spreads hope that we can all beat this thing. I've been winning for over 3 years so I have so much to be thankful for. My glass is half full (of that margarita I was talking about earlier) and I plan on keeping it that way.
I must say that on Sunday when Amy was at the house and I was going through my morning ritual of gagging, coughing, sweating, coughing some more, etc., I didn't think much of it. I do it every day. Rick hears it and has adjusted, every once in a while he knocks on the bathroom door and says "hey, are you ok in there?". I forget that if you're not a part of it every day, it can sound scary and I'm sorry about that. Once, I finally get some of the fluid up from the bottom of my lungs, I actually feel better. Then, I take meds to keep the cough under control the remainder of the day and start over the next morning. This is my new normal.
Rick had another uneventful chemo day. He had lots of work to do once we got home so he went back to the office until after 7:00pm. He was bushed when he got home. He had a little dinner (thanks to Lindsay Smith) then went straight to bed. I hope he gets a good nights rest. He really needs it. I know he has a lot of pressure on him to stay as healthy as possible. He's still the breadwinner, the man who brings home the health insurance, and still tries to keep up with things that need to be done at home.
That is as much "real" as I can dish out in one day. I'm attaching a photo that my friend Cindy took (she came to visit me during chemo since she knew I'd be in town...I met here while she was a patient there and we became instant friends). The photo is how Rick and I were set up today during our infusion. He was in room 27 and I was in 28. Jake sat between us and kept us company.
I got this from a friend today and it's suppose to be about Sisters. I believe it's for all the people I love so I wanted to share it with you:
Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't just because you can.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance,
Grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
God never said life would be easy.
He just promised it would be worth it.
The "Real" Doreen
Posted by Doreen at 10:57 PM