Thursday, November 20, 2008

Lots on my mind

I've had a lot on my mind lately and I'm not sure how to handle it. When the kids came home from California after the Lung Cancer Gala, they were overwhelmed with hope, and a bright shiny light at the end of the tunnel. We all met on Monday night to discuss all they had to share, but I found that my "light" wasn't glowing, my "hope" meter wasn't jumping off the charts like theirs was. I couldn't imagine that with all this great news and my good attitude, I should be feeling nothing short of miraculous.

Then I started to put the puzzle pieces together. There is so much more than giving me a new pair of lungs. First. I have to be approved. Then the insurance has to say yes this is a medical necessity, then I'll need to move to California where this procedure will take place while I wait for a set of lungs to become available. Going to California means I will leave the things back home that give me my greatest sense of joy. My biggest reasons for living.

So, for now, I've done all I can. I signed all my release forms sending my records to Dr. Jablons in California. He will have his team of people look it over. Then on December 2nd he is coming to the Seattle area so I might have a chance to meet with him then (Bonnie might be joining him too).

I can not keep worrying about something so unknown, and wonderful as this opportunity. I will take each day as it comes and pray for an amazing outcome. If I end up not being a good candidate for a lung transplant, there will be something new down the road. So far, we have not been disappointed.

Jake has been feeling cruddy since he returned from California, so he is quarantined in his room, I spent a few hours at Angie's school today watching her teach...It is definitely on my list of favorite things to do, and Rick and I went to the college tonight to watch Amy play some rec basketball. It was really fun....Larry Libby and I were going to place a side bet until he saw that Amy's team was kicking his daughter's teams butt.

Keep dreaming Big,


Anonymous said...

If it were up to us, we would choose you.... for all kids of reasons. We are holding out hope (and dreaming big) for whatever is best for you - and sending you love and best wishes, always.

Chuck said...

Am sure the best thing will happen to you, the survivor and the person I look up to..... Margo

Anonymous said...

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King

I know it's hard, but please keep talking to us. God bless.