Yesterday in Seattle I had a mini-meltdown. Rick had his second chemo treatment and it went well. The little problem I had was...since his infusion went a little longer than expected, I went to my appointment without him for the first time. Angie went along instead (as Amy is in Puerto Rico with the AirForce). It was nice having her there, however when the nurse asked me how I was doing...I lost it. I was sobbing and blubbering...and sniffling... The funny part about this is that I don't get emotional at my appointments. We talk about how I'm feeling (I say good), if there are any changes (oh, just a little cough), I get a little exam (everything looks fine), we talk about test results (all within the normal range), I ask some questions (blah, blah)...and then I make a return appointment (for one month later). This time, without Rick, I guess my body wanted the doctor to know how I really was. Oh, externally, I'm great! I'm "fine". Internally it appears, I'm a mess. I told my doctor I "hate" cancer. I'm sick of it effecting my life and my family's life. I hate not having control of my emotions. The weird part is...Dr. Eaton was happy for me. He thought it was about time I got mad. Broke down. Told it like it really is. He thinks I'm still doing great but it's time for a scan again next month. Since the cough has gotten worse and I have an ongoing pain in my left ribcage he says it can't hurt to get another look. Angie had to leave my appointment to get back upstairs with Rick because he had an appointment with his doctor by this time, so I had a chance to talk with my doctor all alone. He assured me that he thinks I'm doing well. He reminded me that things can start to change, but he can also help fight whatever comes my way. By the time I left his exam room, he asked me if I needed ice packs for my eyes. (you can only imagine how pretty I must have been by this time). I had to walk through the waiting room, lobby, get on the elevator and go to Rick's room while I was still sobbing. On the elevator, I apologized to the 4 people riding with me. I said nothing serious has just happened, I'm just an ugly crier. They reminded me it was ok, I was in a cancer hospital...this kind of this happens regularly. We left the hospital with a bag over my head (just kidding). Once we got done with Rick's appointment we headed for home. Besides my meltdown, everything really did go well.
Rick said if he was feeling well after his treatment he wanted to go to the Stanwood/Jackson district basketball game. I agreed to it. We did have to go buy some eye make-up for me before the game, so I didn't scare the players and spectators.
So far, Rick is feeling good again. He just wishes he could get more sleep. We're working on that. I slept until 9:30 this morning. Apparently, I was exhausted.
It is Valentine's evening and I'm trying to make a nice dinner for my honey, so I'd better go.
Love you more than all the roses sent to sweethearts today!