Tuesday, July 11, 2006
I think I fell into a rut. I got overwhelmed with work, military training, and a few days of feeling under the weather. The good news is that I am back by popular demand. I got two emails from people who asked if I was ok because I hadn't written a blog for a while. That was a sign that I needed to check my priorities and write something before someone sends out a search party.
Today has been a tough day for me. It actually started yesterday when Mom called me on her way home from her doctors appointment. I asked her what the doctor had to say and she told me. She seemed fairly upbeat while relaying the latest news. I will admit that I was semi-distracted as she started talking but it didn't take me long to focus on her every word. I think I had forgotten about the cancer. Obviously I didn't really forget about it, but in a way I think I have been in denial for a while. Every appointment since the day of diagnoses has been a positive one. It has become natural to expect positive results from her appointments because we are yet to get news that the cancer is getting worse. She seems healthy so it's easy to forget she is so sick. Yesterday when I asked her what the doctor had to say about her right lung looking so clear she said, "Honey, it might look like the cancer is shrinking but remember they say it's not curable and the doctor said eventually the Tarceva will stop working." Her words were hard for me to swallow. She didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but hearing them come out of her mouth was hard to listen to. Again, I had forgotten.
After the initial shock in April, the family has pulled ourselves together and remained optimistic and positive. We have to, for our sake as well as hers. It has been easy though. Look at her... she looks wonderful, laughs all the time, and seems to be the same old Dor we have become accustomed to loving. I guess it's hard for me to imagine her any other way. As she continued to tell me the news I said, "Why do you guys seem so happy? I don't think the news sounds very good." In a soothing tone of voice and in a way that only mom can, she reminded me that there is a difference between good news and realistic news. She is right. I should be happy with her progress but at the same time remember that this horrible disease is not curable. Oh, how easy it is to forget sometimes.
Posted by Doreen at 7:26 PM