Tuesday, July 11, 2006

I forgot.

I think I fell into a rut. I got overwhelmed with work, military training, and a few days of feeling under the weather. The good news is that I am back by popular demand. I got two emails from people who asked if I was ok because I hadn't written a blog for a while. That was a sign that I needed to check my priorities and write something before someone sends out a search party.

Today has been a tough day for me. It actually started yesterday when Mom called me on her way home from her doctors appointment. I asked her what the doctor had to say and she told me. She seemed fairly upbeat while relaying the latest news. I will admit that I was semi-distracted as she started talking but it didn't take me long to focus on her every word. I think I had forgotten about the cancer. Obviously I didn't really forget about it, but in a way I think I have been in denial for a while. Every appointment since the day of diagnoses has been a positive one. It has become natural to expect positive results from her appointments because we are yet to get news that the cancer is getting worse. She seems healthy so it's easy to forget she is so sick. Yesterday when I asked her what the doctor had to say about her right lung looking so clear she said, "Honey, it might look like the cancer is shrinking but remember they say it's not curable and the doctor said eventually the Tarceva will stop working." Her words were hard for me to swallow. She didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but hearing them come out of her mouth was hard to listen to. Again, I had forgotten.

After the initial shock in April, the family has pulled ourselves together and remained optimistic and positive. We have to, for our sake as well as hers. It has been easy though. Look at her... she looks wonderful, laughs all the time, and seems to be the same old Dor we have become accustomed to loving. I guess it's hard for me to imagine her any other way. As she continued to tell me the news I said, "Why do you guys seem so happy? I don't think the news sounds very good." In a soothing tone of voice and in a way that only mom can, she reminded me that there is a difference between good news and realistic news. She is right. I should be happy with her progress but at the same time remember that this horrible disease is not curable. Oh, how easy it is to forget sometimes.



Anonymous said...


I do have to say that I have been missin reading your blogs too, and I am glad that you've slowed down enough to let us read again how wonderful a daughter you are!!

It is hard to picture your mom any other way then healthy!! She beams with light,laughs with true heart, and loves like NO other!! We've all learned sooo much about life and living it, times are good right now, and living for the now is something we all should be doing!!!

Lets all get together again real soon, and have some good laughs, I promise I will behave, I promise!! Love ya baby Girl....Pegster

Anonymous said...

Children of Doreen~
I am sorry, I am so sorry. But...I am glad your mom gets to experience wonderful children. I am glad your mom has hope. I am glad your mom has lived to see you grow into fine adults. I am glad your mom has a loving husband. I am glad you will listen to her every word until it is time for her to go. I am glad you will remember everything she ever taught you so that her words go on forever~through children and grandchildren. I am glad she is touching so many lives in a positive way. I am glad she was never selfish enough to not love the father of her children. I am glad she was at every bloomin' sporting event her children participated in. I am glad she showed you how to love.

Remember. She is here now, anyone of us can go at any given time. She got a warning~someone is looking out for all of you. Someone is giving you all a chance to live a fulfilling dream. That same someone will welcome your mom home. Never forget there is a plan, and each and everyone of you are in it!

Smile & remember, your are blessed, all three of you!