Believe...

Today I had the pleasure of having lunch with an old high school friend and pastor, Mich as well as my dear friend Pam. When we are given the diagnosis of any life altering illness it's not uncommon to search for answers in your faith. I've been on that journey for a while now. I always believed I was going to Heaven. However, I also hoped I'd be in better shape than I am right now and that I'd have a good hairdo because forever is a long time to have a bad hair day and a weight problem.

Today during my lunch (in between the laughter) I listened. Listened to the message that Mich had to share with me. I've been needing this day for a long time and I didn't even know it. I have a lot to learn but I also have a lot to share.

I didn't tell the girls I was going to lunch with Mich and Pam. Not because I didn't want them to know, but rather because I just didn't think about it. This morning I called them both and left a message on their phones saying I was going to lunch and I would call them later. Apparently, years ago I mentioned that someday when I die (this was long before cancer) I would like Mich to speak and/or sing at my funeral. We sang together in high school and we've been friends forever so it seemed only right. What I didn't realize was that when the girls heard my lunch was with Mich they assumed I was "preparing". I assured them that lunch was Mich and Pam's idea and they know me better than to think I would prepare for anything. I always wait till the last minute. I really do forget how much cancer effects everyone you love. It's not only the words we say but sometimes the things we don't say that have the biggest impact in their lives.

Ricky's tooth (or rather hole in his gums) is doing well. Tonight his dinner of choice was Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. At least Rick's food choices don't dirty many dishes. I guess I should look at this as a gift :)

Love you forever,
Doreen